John 4: 48

 ⁴⁸"Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe."

I wonder sometimes, what it is that does make us believe...what makes us continue on the path of faith.   If it is not signs and miracles, what is it?

This sentence comes from a passage in which Jesus heals the son of a Galilean official.  But he does not do so until he provides these words.

It's as if Jesus says "you guys don't get it," and at the same time Jesus "gets" that they don't get it and need some sort of sign, and he proceeds to heal the man's son.

How do we know God is real?  What kind of proof is there of God's existence?  It seems to me that we humans always point to signs - look at the trees, evidence that God has created plants; look at how I have been healed of this illness - evidence that God has shown mercy and brought healing into my life.  It is the signs and miracles that give us the proof, that show us there is someone to believe in.

Today I am thankful for my faith.  I am thankful that I believe even when I see no signs.   I am thankful, for a merciful God that continues to perform wonders, to provide evidence when I just don't "get it."

Return..

Isaiah 35:10

 ¹⁰ and the ransomed of the LORD will return. 
       They will enter Zion with singing; 
       everlasting joy will crown their heads. 
       Gladness and joy will overtake them, 
       and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

An interesting day, today...I got to see and play with my grandniece and grandnephew who now live in Iowa.  Joy!

And today brought an earthquake, death and tragedy to Chile.  Sorrow.

A Tsunami hit Hawaii, but did not sustain the damage expected.  Sighing flees away.

The promise from these words of Isaiah help during times like this that are filled with a mixture of emotions.  What will I experience today as a human, as a child of God?  What will I sing about?  What will I sigh about?

Today is such a temporary moment.  At times, it doesn't feel like it.  And those few days off from routine part much too quickly, before duty and even drudgery, in some cases, take over once again.

What are the good words for those who are now grieving, or sifting thru the wreckage that nature has brought?  What are the good words for those who know grief and sorrow?  The promise of joy.  This moment, however painful, is temporary.  But the time will come when all will enter Zion singing.  Gladness will overtake them, and grief will slip away.

Today I am thankful for both joy and sorrow, and for the promise of a time of singing.

Healing...

Malachi 4:1 - 3

 ¹ "Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them. ² But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. ³ Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.

A bit under the weather today, I stayed home to rest.  Feeling the need for justice in my life right now, and the need for health and healing, this passage speaks to me.

In this life, it is hard, at times, to see justice at work.  There are times the scales of justice are a bit off-kilter and it's hard to see things as we believe they should be.

But for God's faithful, those who behold the mightiness of God's name, justice WILL rise - it is promised, it is certain.  And with that justice, there will be healing.  Those who are down-trodden, will be lifted up and leap up to their feet, going forth, walking - even walking over the ashes of the mighty who have fallen.

There are times I cannot understand this world nor the things that happen it.  Without the hope of this promise, I'm not sure I could continue to walk the earth.

Thanks be to God, for justice that WILL come, for restoration and for healing.

Give thanks?

I Chronicles 16:30-35

³⁰ Tremble before the LORD, all the earth!
The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.

³¹ Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let them say among the nations, "The LORD reigns!"

³² Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!

³³ Then the trees of the forest will sing,
they will sing for joy before the LORD,
who comes to judge the earth.

³⁴ Give thanks to the LORD, for God is good;
and God's love endures forever.

³⁵ Cry out, "Save us, O God our Savior;
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
that we may glory in your praise."

Tremble, rejoice, resound, sing, be jubilant, give thanks, cry out...

When I read the first four phrases of this psalm as I've posted here, I am "overwhelmed" by the sense of power that God possesses - power over the earth, union with the heavens, inspiring the sea to gather every drop of water up together to make a loud noise - resound. Even the trees in the forest will sing. Nothing and no one should be silent in giving thanks to God.

And then v. 35 suddenly catches my eye - cry out! Save us! Gather us and deliver us! Help us so that we CAN give thanks.

I remember Oprah Winfrey quoting Meister Eckart a few years back saying: “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is 'Thank You,' it will suffice.”

That makes it sound so simple - as if saying "thank you" to God were always easy and dripping off the tongue. But, for me at least, sometimes the reality is that "thank you" is quite a high achievement to aspire to in prayer. In the midst of moments of grief and pain in our lives, can we say "thank you" and mean it? Can we do that without feeling the tears come, or the pain in the chest, or still worry about what tomorrow will bring?

Some days, I can rejoice and resound quite easily. But lately, it's easier to pray "save us" - save me, O God, deliver me from this. Help me so I CAN give thanks.

Today, I am thankful for the challenge to say "thank you" to an omnipotent God whose very presence is so powerful, the whole world wakes up to offer praise.

Who am I, that...

Exodus 3:11

¹¹ But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

What a day! After dealing with some legal issues, I can feel anger kindle within me. I don't like this feeling, this kind of energy. I don't like feeling quite THIS human. I want to let go and forget. I want to move on. But these issues will hover around for a bit, and the anger will come and go until the matter is closed.

It is in these moments of anger and frustration that my own humanness is so very apparent to me. I feel like a failure for not being able to simply "rise above" it all. I feel sad that I don't feel good. I feel smaller than I want to feel.

When God called upon Moses to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, he didn't jump up and down for joy - he didn't feel "at last, I've been recognized!" Instead he thought, why me? Why wouldn't God choose my brother instead, who is more eloquent? I am small...

There are those few days in life when we feel deserving of the good things we receive, or to which we are called. There are more days when we feel unworthy, ashamed and like we are less than we ought to be.

Today, I am thankful that God finds worthiness and value in me when I don't feel very worthwhile or valuable.

Isaiah 40: 29 - 31

²⁹ The LORD gives strength to the weary 
       and increases the power of the weak.

 ³⁰ Even youth grow tired and weary, 
       and young people stumble and fall;

 ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 
       will renew their strength. 
       They will soar on wings like eagles; 
       they will run and not grow weary, 
       they will walk and not be faint.

I am tired.  It's night time and I've finished working agility with Sammy in class.  I did not have a satisfying sleep last night as the kitten, Johji, wanted to play in the wee hours of the morning.

As I went to work this morning, I went a bit tired, but with a good attitude.  And then the news - more work to be piled onto my plate.  The mere thought of more made me weary.  And there was still a full day of work to face.

Tomorrow will be a new day - but there is much work to be done.  Tonight, it takes effort to write, to meditate, to pray.  So often, there are times like this in life when in my humanness I ask the question "how can I do all that is before me?  Why am I this tired?"

I hear these words from Isaiah and I am reminded that when I cannot find strength for myself any longer, the LORD provides strength; when I am tired and weary and feel I cannot keep going, I am reminded that trusting in God means that even though the body may be a bit weak,  my spirit will not only not be weary, but will "run, walk, soar like an eagle."

Thank you God, for being my strength when I cannot do it on my own.

Endurance

Well, I'm a bit late with yesterday's post.  But I'm still thinking on yesterday's meditation...endurance.

Romans 15: 5-7

⁵May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ⁶so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 ⁷Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

I need to start the day with these words.  I needed them at the end of the day, yesterday.

Last evening was useful dutifulness.  :-)  I spent the evening finishing the creation and installation of shelves for the home office.  After moving two months ago, some things are still in disarray and needing a place to fit in.  Last night was a step toward accomplishing those things.

But the work day brought it's own need for endurance.  More often than not, I would suppose, we find ourselves in uncomfortable work situations.  And yet we continue on...to pay the mortgage or rent...to prove to ourselves we CAN hang on...because someone is depending on us...or because we can still see something good or useful in the midst of chaos and disappointment.

This is when I need to hear these words of blessing from Paul.  I need strength outside of myself to endure...I need encouragement to "keep on keeping on," as my former professor Peter Kjeseth used to say.

Thank you God, for your strength living in me that helps me to endure - even when I can't rejoice.

Psalm 139: 9-10

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, 
       your right hand will hold me fast.

It's Sunday.  For me, it began as a day of rest - recovering from an exhausting day yesterday.  I went on a 2 mile walk with Sammy, and then went off to agility class with Ellie, Kenji and Jeff.  Then onto practical matters  of dealing with creating an office space in our new home.

So much about today was uneventful and restful.  I rejoice in that.

Tonight I am remembering when I first heard a sermon preached on Psalm 139 - during Lent, many years ago.  That sermon on this psalm, changed something in me.  In the words of that psalm, I was reminded that God is with me every step of the way.  It doesn't matter where I go, where I am, what I am doing, God is there holding my hand and guiding me.  Nothing I do can be done without the presence of God.  How can I learn of such an intimate connection and not be forever changed by that knowledge?  How can I hear that even when I am at rest, I am not alone and ever think of rest as something useless and uneventful?  How can I go somewhere on a Sunday and believe I am not in a moment of prayer and connection, when the same one who created me, is with me wherever I go - even to the farthest side of the sea?

Today I am thankful for sunshine, serenity, rest - a break from the ordinary and the quiet presence of one who knows me even better than I know myself.

Running the Race

I just returned home from a rather successful agility trial with my youngest dog, Sammy.  He qualified in 2 of his 3 runs.  Beautiful work!  As I'm often reminded, though, mid-course, I can never "let up" as I handle him; I need to focus on the approach to each obstacle and make sure he can "feel" me pushing him in a specific direction.  The second I do, he'll either pull away from an obstacle, or miss an important contact, (causing a fault or off-course) or give me a lot of barking as if to say "you don't know what you are doing - you're making me mess up!"

Today, I am reminded of this passage from Hebrews 12: 1-3:

 ¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful people, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

There are days I really don't want to be a Christian.  I don't want to pay the cost of discipleship - I want to let up and let things be easy.  But I am reminded in both this passage, and in running agility, that every goal in life requires work, and we are never really "finished."  To live a faithful life means persevering...even when I'm tired, even when I feel like "enough is enough" today, even when I don't feel like there is any gas left in the tank.

Today, I am thankful for a loving and merciful God who forgives me for going a bit "off course" at times, and is there to help me thru the next day as I begin a new race once again.

Genesis 28: 20-22a

 ²⁰ Then Jacob made a vow, saying, "If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear ²¹ so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God ²² and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house."

Another beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest.  I took the afternoon off, so I was able to enjoy an outing with the dogs at the off-leash dog park.  I wanted to avoid the ordinary path of the interstate, so I took the back roads - driving by the golf course, winding thru hills, around the lake and finally to the park.  

The dog park is like a glimpse at heaven for me - happy people and happy dogs frolicking and enjoying life.  New friends made quickly - for both dog and human. I can't help but smile and delight in the experience of being at the dog park.  And the sun always seems to shine brighter there!

On the drive home, I kept the radio off - listening to the quiet in my car filled with three sleepy dogs, and only the noise of passing cars.  It was a beautiful drive - but it seemed long.  The road continued to go straight, then through twists and turns - it was nearly endless.  Mid-journey, a Starbuck's!  Ah, the refreshment for body and soul in the form of a latte!

Today, I am thankful for the journey - the seemingly unending road.  I know I'll "get there," but sometimes the wait is long and my arrival is not when I anticipate.  In this full story of Jacob's dream found in Genesis 28, God promises: "¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."  Not only for Jacob is this true, but for us all.

Thank you God for staying with me on the road.

Isaiah 18: 4

 ⁴ This is what the LORD says to me: 
       "I will remain quiet and will look on from my dwelling place, 
       like shimmering heat in the sunshine, 
       like a cloud of dew in the heat of harvest."

After I returned home from work today, I walked my dogs thru the woods.  All around me I could see light streaming in - sunshine!  Living in a climate that is often plagued with grey, the sun's light is a welcome treat, not to be taken for granted.

When the sun shines, I feel energized - and I feel at peace.  Walking thru the woods, I am aware of the small birds that sing, of the smells my dogs discover - of grass bursting up through dried leaves that cover the forest's floor.

This is a reminder of the lenten journey...seeing growth that is only beginning to spring up thru the ashes of yesterday...feeling a gentle warmth in the wind - not spring quite yet, but on the way...a song of tiny birds whose collective voice echoes over the woods.  Nothing is too small, too insignificant, too unfinished to be noticed.

Thank you God, for this glimpse at tomorrow, today.

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday.  I did some looking around for a service to attend tonight.  I wanted to get off on the right foot and begin a journey of connecting with a new community.  (It's been awhile since I've been regularly attending any one church.) But nothing I found felt right.  I felt a little sad.  

After awhile, I realized that the receiving of the imposition of ashes on one's forehead is a deeply intimate and personal event.  How could I start with a new church tonight, not even knowing if it is where I want to be making a new church home, and open myself to such a personal experience with a crowd I do not know?

I've explored a few Lutheran communities in the last year or two, and found one in particular to be quite satisfying - but time and geographically prohibitive.  I found one close to home with good mission work going on - but not very nurturing for my spirit.

So, I decided rather than forcing myself to find a new community tonight, that instead, I would begin an intentional journey - one that begins with the 40 days of Lent, and continues thru crucifixion and resurrection and ascension.  This will be a time of searching, reflecting and connecting.  I am beginning this blog to commit myself to this journey.

In visiting this evening's scripture, I hear these words from Joel 2:

"Yet even now, says the LORD,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
rend your hearts and not your clothing."

It is easy to be caught up with the external matters in life - I've been overwhelmed by them lately!  Today, I begin to open my heart up again - to consider what it truly means to be one of God's children and to live in the world, while not of the world.