Alleluia! Christ is Risen!

Christ is Risen indeed!

Lent has been banished for now - and death does not have the last word!

It was good to celebrate in my "home church" today by leading in music.  The service was just right.  Then time was spent with the dogs at agility, and then dinner with family.  A breath from the stress of life - thanks be to God!

Thank you to those who followed me during my lenten journey on this blog.  I have not yet decided if I will keep this up on any regular basis or not - or if I will change the name of the blog if I do.  But for your presence, thank you.

Christ is Risen!  Alleluia.  Amen.

Friday...but is it Good?

Today is Good Friday...and it's shown it's presence in very loud and outrageous ways.

Snow on the coast...horrible wind and rain storms inland...news of a loved one's loss...and news that my nephew has been sentenced to 42 months in prison.  

Even the heavens are weeping with all of the Good Friday stuff happening.

I played for a Tennebrae service at my home church tonight.  It felt good to release the pain thru my fingers and out the piano.  Was it perfect?  No.  Was it good?  Yes.

I don't remember the last time I had such a strong connection with this day on the calendar...I don't remember the last time I felt this kind of pain on a Good Friday...and now I'm waiting for Easter morning.  But this Easter morning won't bring everything I need to feel the joy I want to feel.

So, I'll sit in this moment...I'll pray...I'll meditate...I'll consider things...knowing that throughout all of life, there are plenty of Good Fridays.  And Easter will come...just not quite yet...

Gathering for Supper...

I have many fond memories from my childhood of gathering together with members of my family around the dinner table.  We would feast on simple home-cooked feasts.

There would be laughter, teasing, reacting - a competition for mashed potatoes.  And then the delightful sigh from a full belly.

On the anniversary of this holy supper, at the celebration of Maundy Thursday, I can't help but think what it must have been like for the disciples to gather together to celebrate the last supper.  Perhaps, intermittent, there was a bit of laughter, some sharing, some familial times - before everything grew quiet and the night took on a very serious nature.

It is in this gathering to share in the Lord's supper that we discover that we are part of a larger family.  And if we can be honest with ourselves in that holy moment, we can look around the table and see true sisters and brothers gathered with us - those who annoy us, those who make us laugh - and we all somehow are satisfied as we walk away having received tiny proportions of food and wine.  

If we can see "family" in this meal, we can see our own humanness and our need for forgiveness being poured out for us in wine and bread, blood and body, the essence of our Christ.  

This night starts out with joy and ends with a somber tone.  Sometimes life has those moments.  May God infuse us with a joy that knows no end, even as the disappointments, greed and desperation sometimes overtake us.

It is nearly finished...

Lent, that is.  And in many ways, I am so glad.  But before it leaves, it gears up for a few days of intense moments - remembering the last supper, reliving the suffering and death of our Lord, and then the time of prayer and waiting before the Easter sunrise.

I have been imperfect during this lenten season in my commitment to daily blogging.  Still, I am grateful for the opportunity to blog and to have friends on the journey with me at the times they've been able to join along.

Today I am remembering how important it is to hold onto faith - to keep believing when life is overwhelming.  In this week I have been reminded just how much I need someone bigger than myself to believe in, in whom to put my trust.

Thank you God for another day of living, breathing, trusting, hoping, remembering.

Time...

Time is such a precious commodity.

In the last couple of days, there have been moments when time has seemed to slow down, speed up, change swiftly, seemed to be off, seemed out of sync with events in my life.

Time is never what we hope it will be, but it simply is.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 ¹ There is a time for everything, 
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die, 
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal, 
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh, 
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up, 
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend, 
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate, 
       a time for war and a time for peace.

These words were put to music by The Byrds in the 1960s.  "To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn, and a time for every purpose under heaven."

Chronos vs. Kairos - our measured segments of time vs. God's moments, God's time

Living with Kairos is so much harder for me than Chronos.  I'm a planner - I want to get things ready, watch the clock, prepare.  I find it so difficult to sit back, wait and listen.  I want my sense of time to be equal to God's moments - but it seldom is.

Living in the present moment can be painful at times; some moments linger rather than pass quickly by.

Today, I am thankful that I don't always know what's around the corner.  In my life experience I've discovered, though I don't always appreciate, that what is right now is better than what will be, and may also be better than what as already been.  Today I am thankful for those kairotic moments when even for short bit, I "get it."

On to Jerusalem

Today is Palm/Passion Sunday.  I love the beginning of Holy Week, and I especially love the Triduum.   

This is a fragile time to make an appearance at a church to which you've never been.  Traditions vary from one Lutheran church to another.  And unless you've been a part of services there in the past, it's hard to know where, how and when to jump into processions commemorating these celebrations.  This becomes a clear demonstration of the kind of work that any church needs to do in order to welcome new people to embrace this holy time and consider participation in a worship community.

I am preparing to be the musician for services at my home congregation for Good Friday and Easter.  It will be a strange time in many ways...because our church will not be there in its same form next year...because I rarely attend services there anymore...because the services do not resemble some of the deeply profound and moving services I've participated in as a pastor.

But it will be good.  It will be good to offer worship and praise with music.  It will be a sacrifice of time I do not have (so indeed a sacrifice) and it will provide me with the opportunity to prayerfully discuss with God, via music, my true purpose and calling - a constant search, it seems.

Today I am thankful for unexpected opportunities, times of musical prayer and Holy Week.

Just Dance.

I just got in after being out dancing with my husband at our old stomping grounds (quite literally).  We saw a lot of our friends who used to dance in the same place and had so much fun.  We did get a bit of a workout along with some catching up with folks.

Earlier today, I had wanted to go out dancing...but I wasn't sure I could work myself up to it.  It's been a week of sleep deprivation and stress.  But, as often happens, once I get out and dance, I feel a bit energized - the worries of the week just fade away and I can live in the moment, moving, laughing, stretching - feeling alive again.  If I had not made the effort to go, I would have missed so much. 

Jeremiah 31:10-13

 ¹⁰ "Hear the word of the LORD, O nations; 
       proclaim it in distant coastlands: 
       'He who scattered Israel will gather them 
       and will watch over his flock like a shepherd.'

 ¹¹ For the LORD will ransom Jacob 
       and redeem them from the hand of those stronger than they.

 ¹² They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; 
       they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD—
       the grain, the new wine and the oil, 
       the young of the flocks and herds. 
       They will be like a well-watered garden, 
       and they will sorrow no more.

 ¹³ Then maidens will dance and be glad, 
       young men and old as well. 
       I will turn their mourning into gladness; 
       I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.

This text was turned into a Canticle in the Lutheran Book of Worship; we used to sing it for Morning Prayer services in chapel at seminary.  I remember the re-phrasing of the words: "Listen! You nations of the world, listen to the word of the Lord.  Announce it from coast to coast, declare it to distant islands...young women will dance for joy, and men young and old will make merry..."

I can hear the timbre of these words sounding as a loud messenger shouting out: "hey you, listen up - I've got good news for you; and it's so good you'll want to dance and be glad - everyone will be celebrating."

Life can make us tired.  It can rob us of the joy God intends for us to have.  There are times in life, even moments in a week, when we are called to take a break from the chaos, hear the good news - and just dance.

Today, I am thankful for community, celebration and the Lord of the Dance.

Waiting for Easter...

A dreary day in the Pacific Northwest.  "Liquid Sunshine" is what they call the rain.  In the fall, after a hot summer, that's what it feels like and the term is appropriate.  But in the spring, after a long grey winter, it feels more like endless drizzle.

There are days I wait for the rain to dry up and the sun to stay.  Today is one of those days - that came right after a beautiful sunny spring day.

In a very wet wilderness I wait - for a sign of new life to come...

for a moment of warmth and dryness...

for a sparkle of sunshine to light the sky...

for resurrection amidst a dreary Lent...

God must prove nothing to me.  It is up to me to prove my faith in God - and hang onto hope that there will be light at the end of this tunnel, this wilderness, this Lent.

Today I am thankful to God for the reminder that faith is not just an idea, but it is action:  believing when it is dreary, knowing there will be an end to the dreariness.

Are we there yet?

When I first started my lenten discipline of daily blogging, I was amazed at how much there was to flow out of me and how I felt constrained by the number of words I should use in a blog post. But now, itching closer to Easter and wrapping up Lent, I'm surprised by how little I have to say, and how distracted I am by so many things.

There is a LOT going on in my life right now - and the negative seems to overpower the positive for the time being. It's frustrating!

Today, at lunch time, I took the dogs for a long walk thru the woods near my house. The sun was streaming in thru the trees, the dogs were quiet and smiling...we could hear the creek babbling at the bottom of the hill. What a nice moment!

At that moment, I realized how easy it is to overlook these miniature Easter moments - these gifts of renewal and resurrection amidst a daily Lent.

Tonight I am reminded of these words from Exodus regarding the Passover Feast - right there, resurrection; celebration. And I am thankful for these moments - today:

Exodus 12:14

¹⁴ "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD - a lasting ordinance.... ¹⁷ Celebrate the Feast of Unleavened Bread, because it was on this very day that I brought your divisions out of Egypt. Celebrate this day as a lasting ordinance for the generations to come."

Sleep?

John 15:7

7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

I greet this morning after a mostly sleepless night.  And now as I prepare to go off to work, I am so very tired.  I think of passages in the Bible that remind of how God grants rest to the weary, and how Christians should not be wearing in doing what is right, and all I can think of is how weary I truly am.

So I look for comfort in these words of John from the "vineyard" text in John where we are reminded that we can do nothing apart from God, because God remains in us as we remain in God.  We are the branches of this great vine.  And for a moment, I find a bit of strength.  When I cannot rely on my own level of energy, or my own strength, there is someone whose energy upon which I may rely - from whom I may draw strength.

Today I am thankful for another day - another opportunity to walk with the Lord, to discover who I am and my connection to the one true Vine.

Isaiah 35:6b-7

^6b Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert. ⁷ The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow

Today was the kind of beautiful today that reminds me of what resurrection, renewal, is all about. As winter comes to a close, spring begins. And did it ever begin today! The grey disappeared, the sun came out and the earth warmed up. Everyone was out and about enjoying the beauty of the day - smiling because of the sunshine.

And today was a day when we could finally go to the outlet mall and buy some much needed clothing supplies. It had been way too long, and for a moment, our financial desert was gushing with new blessings. My husband and I actually felt "human" again!

In the midst of deserts, it is hard to imagine there is anything beyond the dry, parched air, burning sand - unpleasant sensations all around. But there are, even in the desert, those rare moments when water is found; life springs forth again in unexpected ways. It is something to celebrate.

Today I am thankful for life's deserts; without them, I would never fully appreciate the rain that comes, nor the flowers that appear. Today I am thankful for Lent; without it, there would be no Easter - no Resurrection to celebrate.

Every Friday is Good!

Holy week is just a couple of weeks away, but it is Friday - and it is good!

It is good because the sun will shine today...

It is the end of my regular work week...

It is the beginning of a full weekend that will take me away from life's stresses, if just for a moment...

It is a day of blessings!

So I remember the passage that reminds me of Jesus' promise of future blessings.  So those Fridays that don't seem quite as good, still hold a promise for God's faithful:

Matthew 5:1-11

¹Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ²and he began to teach them saying: 
 ³"Blessed are the poor in spirit, 
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 
 ⁴Blessed are those who mourn, 
      for they will be comforted. 
 ⁵Blessed are the meek, 
      for they will inherit the earth. 
 ⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
      for they will be filled. 
 ⁷Blessed are the merciful, 
      for they will be shown mercy. 
 ⁸Blessed are the pure in heart, 
      for they will see God. 
 ⁹Blessed are the peacemakers, 
      for they will be called sons of God. 
 ¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, 
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 ¹¹"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Psalm 121: 1-2

Psalm 121:1-2

 ¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

 ² My help comes from the LORD, 
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

When I am tired...

When I feel overwhelmed...

When I wonder why life is taking me in certain directions...

When I feel lonely...

When I am afraid...

When I need to be strong for others...

When I am waiting for the next paycheck and need to buy food...

When I am walking the dogs in the pouring down rain...

When I can't look down...

I lift my eyes up - and look to the mountains and hills...there I see beauty; there I see God.  I am not alone. And I am gratefully, not the most powerful.

Today I am thankful for God who is more than I am - who is there for me and is never far away nor out of sight.  

No Greater Love

John 15:13

13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

There is no love that is greater - no act more ultimately demonstrative of love for another human being than being willing to completely and totally give up one's life in order to save another's life.  This is, of course, theology of the cross.  But it is also not far from this world.

When you consider the risks that some people are willing to take in life, you see that they have this greater love: when someone donates a kidney to a stranger and risks surgery and future complications in order to save the life of someone else; when someone pulls their car over on a road to stop and pick up a fragile human being who is stuck and unable to move, or an injured animal in the middle of the road; when someone dares to speak up for justice when she lives in a country that punishes for such speech in horrendous ways - there is no greater love.

But in our day to day activities, do we dare to love even half this much?  Do we have an understanding of "active love?"  Do we know how to love others not more than ourselves, but beyond ourselves?

Today, I am grateful for Jesus who loves with this reckless abandon.  I am also grateful for the saints who walk among us and dare to live this way - with love, genuine love.

Psalm 65:3-5

 ³ When we were overwhelmed by sins, 
       you forgave our transgressions.

 ⁴ Blessed are those you choose 
       and bring near to live in your courts! 
       We are filled with the good things of your house, 
       of your holy temple.

 ⁵ You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, 
       O God our Savior, 
       the hope of all the ends of the earth 
       and of the farthest seas.

Today I feel blessed and overwhelmed - all at once.  

I feel blessed...because the sun was shining...because it was a productive day at work...because it was payday and we now have food in the fridge again!

But I feel overwhelmed too - by an impending court hearing or two...the amount of work I've still yet to do...the side projects waiting for me...the financial decisions to make...the taxes to file...the house that needs cleaning, renovating and attention in general...

God is awesome, but I am not.  God is able to stretch out across the land and sea and cover a blanket of hope over God's children.  I have my awesome moments - but I have my limits.  I am indeed human, too human it seems, at times.

Today I am thankful for the God of hope...who brings moments of sunshine during a grey winter...who is righteous, even though I'm surrounded by injustice or the anticipation of injustice...who chooses to love us all, even when we don't return the favor.  Thank you, God, for hanging in there with me!

Against such things there is no law

Galatians 5:22-23

 ²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

I forgot to post for two days in a row!  I can't believe it.  I'm reminded once again of my humanness and my distractions by both legal and health issues.  Fatigue and frustration, congestion and heavy contemplation have been dominating my days lately.

But now it is a beautiful Sunday.  A gentle walk with my Sammy helped start the day nicely.  We did some training along the way and were successful.  We said hello to a pug friend, looked at pretty shetland ponies and avoided tussles with bicycles and cars.  A little bit of gentleness, patience and self-control helped to make the walk a success.

Now it's time to take these words of Galatians and practice them on myself.  Self-control is usually a strong feature of my personality, so that's not too hard.  But the other 8 qualities are a lot harder, especially toward myself.  Sometimes I wonder what is even innately lovable about me?  Why can't I be kinder to myself and put myself first?  The reality is if I take better care of myself, I can take better care of others.

Today...I am thankful for the gift of kindness.  Today, I am going to work on a little kindness to myself - maybe even a bit of play time amidst all the chores.

Our Mouths Were Filled with Laughter

Psalm 126: 1-3

A song of ascents.

 ¹ When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, 
       we were like people who dreamed. 

 ² Our mouths were filled with laughter, 
       our tongues with songs of joy. 
       Then it was said among the nations, 
       "The LORD has done great things for them."

 ³ The LORD has done great things for us, 
       and we are filled with joy.

I've been fighting a strain of some little bug lately.  Not sick enough to really change my life; just sick enough to not feel too good.  So when we were setting out to meet friends for dinner, I wondered if I really had the energy to even go.

But we went.

Watching Chris jump up and down in the Rainforest Cafe set the tone for the evening.  His joy made me laugh.

We sat down to dinner and engaged in conversation with friends.  There was serious conversation - updating each other on the struggles we were having.  But there were also moments of joy.  

As we left the restaurant after saying our good-byes, I felt a difference in my body:  I felt a little less sick, I felt my frown turned into a smile - I felt filled with joy.

How easy is it to feel this way?  These days, it isn't easy at all - at least for me.  It is easy to feel overwhelmed by life, obligations, needed energy that doesn't come.  But as a captive, for a moment, God brought me back to Zion where I could laugh and find joy again - even for just a moment.

Thank you God, for a mouth full of laughter, a heart briefly lightened and a spirit made glad.

Romans 8:31 - 38

³¹What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³²He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." ³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

My favorite passage from Romans. In the midst of legal inconveniences currently in action in my life, it is wonderful to be reminded of how nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Even IF the judge did not rule in our favor, God's love will remain.

Even if the devil has his day, God's love will remain.

Even if the legal system fails, God's justice will prevail.

Even if, problems mount to be so high, or so deep that we cannot withstand it, God's love will remain.

Today, I am thankful for this loving God - who hangs in there with me no matter what.

Hear My Cry, O God

Psalm 61:1-2

 ¹ Hear my cry, O God; 
       listen to my prayer.

 ² From the ends of the earth I call to you, 
       I call as my heart grows faint; 
       lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Tonight my mind is occupied with many things...my friend Greta who had to say good-bye to her kitty today...the anticipation of a day in court...the frustration of work overload...the profound realization that life is short and too much of it is spent doing things we don't want to do.

So, I turn to a favorite psalm.  When I know not what to say, or even to pray, these words fit:  "hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer."  Wherever I am, from any end of the earth, I can cry out.  When I feel low, I can lift up my voice and in being heard, I can be lifted up.

Today I am thankful for the quiet moments...stillness...sadness...resignation...all of those things that lead to my need for God.

Justice is easy?

We are in the midst of a legal battle - not a place either my husband or I enjoy being. But here we are. We have spent a lot of time discussing how best to handle the issue - at times disagreeing, at times resigning, at other times feeling empowered. "We should pray about this, " I say, even while we must make decisions relatively quickly.

What is the "easy" way out? What does that really mean? Does it mean the path of least resistance that can leave one feeling ultimately unsatisfied (not really "easy" then), or is it the path of the most work and endurance - fighting for justice, even if justice doesn't come, but at least it's "done" and we can move on (laborious, so perhaps this is also not "easy")?

I look at these words:

Deuteronomy 16:19-20

¹⁹ Do not pervert justice or show partiality. Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and twists the words of the righteous. ²⁰ Follow justice and justice alone, so that you may live and possess the land the LORD your God is giving you.

I think these are good words for me to hear right now: "Follow justice AND justice alone." It sounds "easy," doesn't it? Keep focus. Keep on the path. Simply follow justice and do not be distracted by arguments against it.

I think these words tell me that what is worthwhile is worth fighting for. Don't give up, don't give in, persist - seek what is just for it is in staying on the path of justice that one ultimately shares in the dominion of God.

Today I am thankful for the reminder of justice and for courage to walk on a just path, even though it's not quite the "easy" thing to do.

Gentleness and Strength...

Colossians 3:12

¹²Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

My friend and professor, Ralph Smith, had a saying posted on his office door at Wartburg Seminary: "Nothing so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength."

At this funeral, following his death in a car crash at the age of 44, these words were spoken in the homily, and reverberated around the seminary community, and former community, as a testament to who Ralph really was. In this physical form, he was strong and beautiful, had a wonderful laugh, intelligent and an attentive listener. He was outgoing but never brash with people. Strength and gentleness exemplified his mere presence.

I can no longer think of the word "gentleness" without attributing "strength" to its meaning.

When I hear these words of Paul, I am reminded that this is who God calls the community of the Colossians to be, this is who God calls us all to be, this is who God calls me to be.

In the midst of life, during trying times, I am often reminded to "stay strong." But seldom am I reminded to "stay gentle." It's easy for me, in trying moments, to pair anger with strength, or embrace a degree of stubbornness to be "strong" or "tough." But true strength is found in gentleness, and gentleness is true strength.

Thank you God, for my friend Ralph and his (all too brief) presence on this earth. Thank you for setting him as a reminder of who I am to be as well.

Laughter

Job 8:21

 ²¹ God will yet fill your mouth with laughter 
       and your lips with shouts of joy.

Laughter is wonderful medicine.  Tonight, my husband and I watched a bit of the TV show "Community."  I've only seen a bit a time or two before, and wasn't that impressed.  But tonight, there was much laughter.

Maybe it was because laughter was needed that it came so easily.  Life is a bit complicated right now.  There is a lot of stuff to get thru.  Sometimes, I think I'll sit down and have a nice little breakdown once I get thru it all.  But...laughter is good and needful medicine right now.

It's good to know that Job, who was enduring much suffering, heard these words spoken to him - the promise that God would fill his mouth with laughter and his lips with shouts of joy.  This is a promise I need!  When everyone gets too serious (as I'm seeing at work lately), when life hands us challenge after challenge, it is good to hear that if we can just "hang in there," God will replace our bitterness and tears with laughter.  Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but maybe the next day.

Today, I am thankful, for moments of silly laughter.

Jeremiah 31:33

³³ "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

Ray Makeever wrote a happy little church song based on this text which often rattles about in my brain "write your law upon our hearts, O God, we are your people."

The bouncy beat seems a bit strange when I compare it to reading this passage plainly. BUT...I think the interpretation is correct. To be chosen people of God, to be so beloved that even God's law is written not on tablet or stone, but in the hearts of God's people is spectacular! This is a promise, a covenant, which cannot be broken or dismantled. This is a promise that God is always with us - and that when the relationship is made "official" between God and God's people, there will be no separation, no divorce, no rending of sleeves - but this union will last. This is something to celebrate!

Today I am thankful for true promises that transcend human understanding or experience. Thanks be to God for this intimate relationship which knows no end.

Isaiah 53:6

 ⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray, 
       each of us has turned to his own way; 
       and the LORD has laid on him 
       the iniquity of us all.

Tonight, when at agility, I was reminded of the danger of sheep that run astray...Sammy's instructor had returned after a three week absence.  The cause?  Herding!  Doug had taken his Aussie, Boomer, to go do some herding.  They've done it before.  But Boomer, like a lot of boy dogs, got excited and drove into the sheep, and the sheep ran into and over Doug.

This helps me to understand these words from Isaiah, because sheep are, I hate to say, not very smart at all.  Without leadership, they run amuck, without any real sense of direction.  It isn't any particular wisdom that makes them do this - they just do it - because they are sheep!

Without a Great Shepherd, we are all like sheep - dangerously out of control, running about aimlessly, without a sense of purpose.

There are days I feel a bit "aimless" - and even other days I feel a bit "dangerous."  But today I am thankful that there is someone who knows a bit better than me what I can do with my life and who listens, waits and watches with me, and guides me on my way.

And hope does not disappoint us.

Romans 5:1-5

 

 ¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom has been given to us.

Romans!  A book that looks a lot like the law, but feels a lot like the gospel.  What is it that saves us, is it the law?  No way, it is faith.  

Christians are not spared from suffering.  Christians are not spared from the potential for growth.  

There are days...days I just lack the energy I want to have...days I feel unappreciated....days I feel misunderstood...days that feel like nothing is going the way it should...days my emotional, physical and mental health challenge me...days of suffering.  Yet somehow, I persevere...I want to see what tomorrow brings, I don't want to let the present moment have the final word.  Isn't it good to know that thru this perseverance, character is developed, and as character is developed, hope springs to life.  And hope - does not disappoint.

When we have nothing left, we have hope.  This is my favorite part of this text.  It is with resignation I can say suffering, perseverance and character, but when I say the word "hope," I am at once filled with hope.  Hearing this word is like a wonderful surprise in the midst of some not so good news.  It is gospel in the midst of some law.  It is the word that helps me to keep on keeping on.

Today, I am thankful for hope.

John 4: 48

 ⁴⁸"Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe."

I wonder sometimes, what it is that does make us believe...what makes us continue on the path of faith.   If it is not signs and miracles, what is it?

This sentence comes from a passage in which Jesus heals the son of a Galilean official.  But he does not do so until he provides these words.

It's as if Jesus says "you guys don't get it," and at the same time Jesus "gets" that they don't get it and need some sort of sign, and he proceeds to heal the man's son.

How do we know God is real?  What kind of proof is there of God's existence?  It seems to me that we humans always point to signs - look at the trees, evidence that God has created plants; look at how I have been healed of this illness - evidence that God has shown mercy and brought healing into my life.  It is the signs and miracles that give us the proof, that show us there is someone to believe in.

Today I am thankful for my faith.  I am thankful that I believe even when I see no signs.   I am thankful, for a merciful God that continues to perform wonders, to provide evidence when I just don't "get it."

Return..

Isaiah 35:10

 ¹⁰ and the ransomed of the LORD will return. 
       They will enter Zion with singing; 
       everlasting joy will crown their heads. 
       Gladness and joy will overtake them, 
       and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

An interesting day, today...I got to see and play with my grandniece and grandnephew who now live in Iowa.  Joy!

And today brought an earthquake, death and tragedy to Chile.  Sorrow.

A Tsunami hit Hawaii, but did not sustain the damage expected.  Sighing flees away.

The promise from these words of Isaiah help during times like this that are filled with a mixture of emotions.  What will I experience today as a human, as a child of God?  What will I sing about?  What will I sigh about?

Today is such a temporary moment.  At times, it doesn't feel like it.  And those few days off from routine part much too quickly, before duty and even drudgery, in some cases, take over once again.

What are the good words for those who are now grieving, or sifting thru the wreckage that nature has brought?  What are the good words for those who know grief and sorrow?  The promise of joy.  This moment, however painful, is temporary.  But the time will come when all will enter Zion singing.  Gladness will overtake them, and grief will slip away.

Today I am thankful for both joy and sorrow, and for the promise of a time of singing.

Healing...

Malachi 4:1 - 3

 ¹ "Surely the day is coming; it will burn like a furnace. All the arrogant and every evildoer will be stubble, and that day that is coming will set them on fire," says the LORD Almighty. "Not a root or a branch will be left to them. ² But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall. ³ Then you will trample down the wicked; they will be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day when I do these things," says the LORD Almighty.

A bit under the weather today, I stayed home to rest.  Feeling the need for justice in my life right now, and the need for health and healing, this passage speaks to me.

In this life, it is hard, at times, to see justice at work.  There are times the scales of justice are a bit off-kilter and it's hard to see things as we believe they should be.

But for God's faithful, those who behold the mightiness of God's name, justice WILL rise - it is promised, it is certain.  And with that justice, there will be healing.  Those who are down-trodden, will be lifted up and leap up to their feet, going forth, walking - even walking over the ashes of the mighty who have fallen.

There are times I cannot understand this world nor the things that happen it.  Without the hope of this promise, I'm not sure I could continue to walk the earth.

Thanks be to God, for justice that WILL come, for restoration and for healing.

Give thanks?

I Chronicles 16:30-35

³⁰ Tremble before the LORD, all the earth!
The world is firmly established; it cannot be moved.

³¹ Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad;
let them say among the nations, "The LORD reigns!"

³² Let the sea resound, and all that is in it;
let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them!

³³ Then the trees of the forest will sing,
they will sing for joy before the LORD,
who comes to judge the earth.

³⁴ Give thanks to the LORD, for God is good;
and God's love endures forever.

³⁵ Cry out, "Save us, O God our Savior;
gather us and deliver us from the nations,
that we may give thanks to your holy name,
that we may glory in your praise."

Tremble, rejoice, resound, sing, be jubilant, give thanks, cry out...

When I read the first four phrases of this psalm as I've posted here, I am "overwhelmed" by the sense of power that God possesses - power over the earth, union with the heavens, inspiring the sea to gather every drop of water up together to make a loud noise - resound. Even the trees in the forest will sing. Nothing and no one should be silent in giving thanks to God.

And then v. 35 suddenly catches my eye - cry out! Save us! Gather us and deliver us! Help us so that we CAN give thanks.

I remember Oprah Winfrey quoting Meister Eckart a few years back saying: “If the only prayer you say in your entire life is 'Thank You,' it will suffice.”

That makes it sound so simple - as if saying "thank you" to God were always easy and dripping off the tongue. But, for me at least, sometimes the reality is that "thank you" is quite a high achievement to aspire to in prayer. In the midst of moments of grief and pain in our lives, can we say "thank you" and mean it? Can we do that without feeling the tears come, or the pain in the chest, or still worry about what tomorrow will bring?

Some days, I can rejoice and resound quite easily. But lately, it's easier to pray "save us" - save me, O God, deliver me from this. Help me so I CAN give thanks.

Today, I am thankful for the challenge to say "thank you" to an omnipotent God whose very presence is so powerful, the whole world wakes up to offer praise.

Who am I, that...

Exodus 3:11

¹¹ But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

What a day! After dealing with some legal issues, I can feel anger kindle within me. I don't like this feeling, this kind of energy. I don't like feeling quite THIS human. I want to let go and forget. I want to move on. But these issues will hover around for a bit, and the anger will come and go until the matter is closed.

It is in these moments of anger and frustration that my own humanness is so very apparent to me. I feel like a failure for not being able to simply "rise above" it all. I feel sad that I don't feel good. I feel smaller than I want to feel.

When God called upon Moses to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, he didn't jump up and down for joy - he didn't feel "at last, I've been recognized!" Instead he thought, why me? Why wouldn't God choose my brother instead, who is more eloquent? I am small...

There are those few days in life when we feel deserving of the good things we receive, or to which we are called. There are more days when we feel unworthy, ashamed and like we are less than we ought to be.

Today, I am thankful that God finds worthiness and value in me when I don't feel very worthwhile or valuable.

Isaiah 40: 29 - 31

²⁹ The LORD gives strength to the weary 
       and increases the power of the weak.

 ³⁰ Even youth grow tired and weary, 
       and young people stumble and fall;

 ³¹ but those who hope in the LORD 
       will renew their strength. 
       They will soar on wings like eagles; 
       they will run and not grow weary, 
       they will walk and not be faint.

I am tired.  It's night time and I've finished working agility with Sammy in class.  I did not have a satisfying sleep last night as the kitten, Johji, wanted to play in the wee hours of the morning.

As I went to work this morning, I went a bit tired, but with a good attitude.  And then the news - more work to be piled onto my plate.  The mere thought of more made me weary.  And there was still a full day of work to face.

Tomorrow will be a new day - but there is much work to be done.  Tonight, it takes effort to write, to meditate, to pray.  So often, there are times like this in life when in my humanness I ask the question "how can I do all that is before me?  Why am I this tired?"

I hear these words from Isaiah and I am reminded that when I cannot find strength for myself any longer, the LORD provides strength; when I am tired and weary and feel I cannot keep going, I am reminded that trusting in God means that even though the body may be a bit weak,  my spirit will not only not be weary, but will "run, walk, soar like an eagle."

Thank you God, for being my strength when I cannot do it on my own.

Endurance

Well, I'm a bit late with yesterday's post.  But I'm still thinking on yesterday's meditation...endurance.

Romans 15: 5-7

⁵May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, ⁶so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 ⁷Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

I need to start the day with these words.  I needed them at the end of the day, yesterday.

Last evening was useful dutifulness.  :-)  I spent the evening finishing the creation and installation of shelves for the home office.  After moving two months ago, some things are still in disarray and needing a place to fit in.  Last night was a step toward accomplishing those things.

But the work day brought it's own need for endurance.  More often than not, I would suppose, we find ourselves in uncomfortable work situations.  And yet we continue on...to pay the mortgage or rent...to prove to ourselves we CAN hang on...because someone is depending on us...or because we can still see something good or useful in the midst of chaos and disappointment.

This is when I need to hear these words of blessing from Paul.  I need strength outside of myself to endure...I need encouragement to "keep on keeping on," as my former professor Peter Kjeseth used to say.

Thank you God, for your strength living in me that helps me to endure - even when I can't rejoice.

Psalm 139: 9-10

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, 
       your right hand will hold me fast.

It's Sunday.  For me, it began as a day of rest - recovering from an exhausting day yesterday.  I went on a 2 mile walk with Sammy, and then went off to agility class with Ellie, Kenji and Jeff.  Then onto practical matters  of dealing with creating an office space in our new home.

So much about today was uneventful and restful.  I rejoice in that.

Tonight I am remembering when I first heard a sermon preached on Psalm 139 - during Lent, many years ago.  That sermon on this psalm, changed something in me.  In the words of that psalm, I was reminded that God is with me every step of the way.  It doesn't matter where I go, where I am, what I am doing, God is there holding my hand and guiding me.  Nothing I do can be done without the presence of God.  How can I learn of such an intimate connection and not be forever changed by that knowledge?  How can I hear that even when I am at rest, I am not alone and ever think of rest as something useless and uneventful?  How can I go somewhere on a Sunday and believe I am not in a moment of prayer and connection, when the same one who created me, is with me wherever I go - even to the farthest side of the sea?

Today I am thankful for sunshine, serenity, rest - a break from the ordinary and the quiet presence of one who knows me even better than I know myself.

Running the Race

I just returned home from a rather successful agility trial with my youngest dog, Sammy.  He qualified in 2 of his 3 runs.  Beautiful work!  As I'm often reminded, though, mid-course, I can never "let up" as I handle him; I need to focus on the approach to each obstacle and make sure he can "feel" me pushing him in a specific direction.  The second I do, he'll either pull away from an obstacle, or miss an important contact, (causing a fault or off-course) or give me a lot of barking as if to say "you don't know what you are doing - you're making me mess up!"

Today, I am reminded of this passage from Hebrews 12: 1-3:

 ¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful people, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

There are days I really don't want to be a Christian.  I don't want to pay the cost of discipleship - I want to let up and let things be easy.  But I am reminded in both this passage, and in running agility, that every goal in life requires work, and we are never really "finished."  To live a faithful life means persevering...even when I'm tired, even when I feel like "enough is enough" today, even when I don't feel like there is any gas left in the tank.

Today, I am thankful for a loving and merciful God who forgives me for going a bit "off course" at times, and is there to help me thru the next day as I begin a new race once again.

Genesis 28: 20-22a

 ²⁰ Then Jacob made a vow, saying, "If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear ²¹ so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God ²² and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house."

Another beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest.  I took the afternoon off, so I was able to enjoy an outing with the dogs at the off-leash dog park.  I wanted to avoid the ordinary path of the interstate, so I took the back roads - driving by the golf course, winding thru hills, around the lake and finally to the park.  

The dog park is like a glimpse at heaven for me - happy people and happy dogs frolicking and enjoying life.  New friends made quickly - for both dog and human. I can't help but smile and delight in the experience of being at the dog park.  And the sun always seems to shine brighter there!

On the drive home, I kept the radio off - listening to the quiet in my car filled with three sleepy dogs, and only the noise of passing cars.  It was a beautiful drive - but it seemed long.  The road continued to go straight, then through twists and turns - it was nearly endless.  Mid-journey, a Starbuck's!  Ah, the refreshment for body and soul in the form of a latte!

Today, I am thankful for the journey - the seemingly unending road.  I know I'll "get there," but sometimes the wait is long and my arrival is not when I anticipate.  In this full story of Jacob's dream found in Genesis 28, God promises: "¹⁵ I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."  Not only for Jacob is this true, but for us all.

Thank you God for staying with me on the road.

Isaiah 18: 4

 ⁴ This is what the LORD says to me: 
       "I will remain quiet and will look on from my dwelling place, 
       like shimmering heat in the sunshine, 
       like a cloud of dew in the heat of harvest."

After I returned home from work today, I walked my dogs thru the woods.  All around me I could see light streaming in - sunshine!  Living in a climate that is often plagued with grey, the sun's light is a welcome treat, not to be taken for granted.

When the sun shines, I feel energized - and I feel at peace.  Walking thru the woods, I am aware of the small birds that sing, of the smells my dogs discover - of grass bursting up through dried leaves that cover the forest's floor.

This is a reminder of the lenten journey...seeing growth that is only beginning to spring up thru the ashes of yesterday...feeling a gentle warmth in the wind - not spring quite yet, but on the way...a song of tiny birds whose collective voice echoes over the woods.  Nothing is too small, too insignificant, too unfinished to be noticed.

Thank you God, for this glimpse at tomorrow, today.

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday.  I did some looking around for a service to attend tonight.  I wanted to get off on the right foot and begin a journey of connecting with a new community.  (It's been awhile since I've been regularly attending any one church.) But nothing I found felt right.  I felt a little sad.  

After awhile, I realized that the receiving of the imposition of ashes on one's forehead is a deeply intimate and personal event.  How could I start with a new church tonight, not even knowing if it is where I want to be making a new church home, and open myself to such a personal experience with a crowd I do not know?

I've explored a few Lutheran communities in the last year or two, and found one in particular to be quite satisfying - but time and geographically prohibitive.  I found one close to home with good mission work going on - but not very nurturing for my spirit.

So, I decided rather than forcing myself to find a new community tonight, that instead, I would begin an intentional journey - one that begins with the 40 days of Lent, and continues thru crucifixion and resurrection and ascension.  This will be a time of searching, reflecting and connecting.  I am beginning this blog to commit myself to this journey.

In visiting this evening's scripture, I hear these words from Joel 2:

"Yet even now, says the LORD,
return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
rend your hearts and not your clothing."

It is easy to be caught up with the external matters in life - I've been overwhelmed by them lately!  Today, I begin to open my heart up again - to consider what it truly means to be one of God's children and to live in the world, while not of the world.